


Closing Old Wounds

by Deadly Night_Sh1ft (CrookedMath)



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Friendship, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Tea, Trichophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 05:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrookedMath/pseuds/Deadly%20Night_Sh1ft
Summary: Grell makes an unlikely friend one night when she's feeling down.This takes place some time after the Campania arc.***DISCLAIMER*** I don't own Kuroshitsuji or its characters. That honor goes to Yana Toboso.





	Closing Old Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions of gender identity issues, abuse, and self harm. You have been warned.  
> Enjoy.

I was strolling through the back alleys of London as I always do around midnight when I came upon the most unusual and saddening sight. My favorite red reaper was sitting alone on a rooftop looking so sad and lonely. Gone was her usual flamboyant, bubbly personality and sadistic flair. Instead, a forlorn, space bound melancholy replaced all the things I found most admirable about her. I never took time out to talk to her for I risked exposing myself. You see, I'm a rogue. I gave up the glasses that I didn't even need to begin with. I think it has something to do with my mismatched eyes. They're green and yellow, however, my left eye is green on the inside and yellow on the outside with the right eye being the inverse of the left. I'm the only reaper with eyes such as mine. Apparently, I "stole" my Death Scythe according to the American branch, but I vehemently disagree with that accusation. My Death Scythe is a part of me. After all I've been through with it, and as long as I've been with it, I couldn't let it go. It's akin to asking a human to live without their heart. It just doesn't work that way. After careful consideration, I decided to risk it. She just looked so sad and it tugged at my metaphorical heart strings. I hopped the rooftop and silently sat beside her. Her vibrant red hair made the pale pink of mine look almost as silver as my lover's, which I found quite interesting. I smiled to myself. She was so beautiful. Why should she be so sad?

"Hello, beautiful," I greeted, twirling a lock of her crimson hair between my fingers. "You're Grell Sutcliff, yes?" I gave her a soft smile.

She snatched her hair from my fingers and scowled at me. "Who are you?" she hissed.

"A friend," I replied. "I watch you all the time when I go on my walks to visit my _friends_." I pointed in the direction of the cemetery with a smirk. "You know, a beautiful lady shouldn't look so sad."

"Why are you so interested in how I feel?" Grell asked. She put her head in her hands and sighed. The sleeves of her shirt moved up a bit, exposing the remnants of healing cuts.

"For one thing, I admire your work. In a way, you remind me of myself when I was your age; so brutal, bloodthirsty, and you possess a weapon that complements your best feature."

Grell gave me a small smile. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Hold on a minute, are you a reaper too? Why haven't I seen you before?"

"I am, but let's just say...I'm 'inactive'." My tone darkened considerably. "Let's also say that I've been around for a very long time, and where I come from has no meaning for you."

"Are you... are you a rogue?"

"Is that a problem?" My eyes flashed, warning that I was well prepared to summon my Death Scythe.

"No, as a matter of fact, an old friend of mine is also a rogue. He runs a mortuary up the street from here."

"Ah, I know of whom you speak. I'm well acquainted with him. Adrian Crevan, yes? He makes everyone call him 'Undertaker'. He's my lover and has been for a very long time." I snickered. "He speaks very highly of you. He's always wanted to apologize for giving you this." I traced the scar on the left side of Grell's face. "Now then, tell me what's bothering you."

"Won't Undertaker get mad if you stay out too late? I've heard he gets a little bit overprotective."

"Grell, I'm a reaper nearly as old, and equally as powerful as he is, so he doesn't worry about me. Now, tell me what's on your mind." I smiled and held her hand.

She looked sad again. "I don't even know where to begin," she said between wavering breaths. She was on the verge of tears. She took a deep breath to begin her harrowing tale as a single tear slid down her pale cheek. 

"It's ok. I won't judge you if you cry. After all, we're both ladies," I said with a wink. "Now, go on, take your time." I wiped the tear from her pretty face and waited for her to continue.

Grell composed herself as best as she could. "I'm tired. I'm just tired of being rejected and hated for being me. I'm tired of being the lover but never being loved. I'm to the point to where I want to give up. One thing I don't understand is why people keep saying that I'm gender confused. I am perfectly well aware that I'm male on the outside, but on the inside I'm a woman! I feel like I'm somehow being punished with the wrong body." Despite her raw display of emotion she trudged on. "And the men that I guess that I loved don't bother to return it. They're just so very cruel! I brush it off and pretend to like the abuse like some kind of sick masochist."

I pulled Grell into a warm embrace. "Now, who would hurt a lovely spider lily like you? Hmm? Tell me who I need to reap when they least expect it."

"One of them is William."

"As in William T. Spears? The one with the stick up his ass?" I snorted.

Grell nodded.

"My lady, you'd be better off with me than him."

She gave me a look of mock disgust.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you're not into females. That's why I said it. Point illustration, if you will." I chuckled. "Anyway, he's not worth it. You know, not only was that stiff Adrian's student, he was also reaped by him. Chilly Willy was a stiff as a human, too, but he did love a girl once. She flat rejected him in the most cruel way a woman can reject a man. He was actually very sweet for a stick in the mud when he was human. He had some kind of business job that bogged him down with paperwork. It's very rare that human traits carry over with us. Very few of us remember anything about our previous lives without consulting the records. You and I remember. I can sense it in you. Adrian remembers bizarre fragments in his dreams, then forgets when he's awake. But dreams are dreams, so the memories may not be real. Between us, I don't think he was ever human. Anyway, I'm blabbering on. Go ahead with the rest."

Grell sighed. "Then there's Sebastian. He's Ciel Phantomhive's butler. He's a demon, I know, but he's just so attractive! He's just as cruel to me as Will. Sometimes he'll be nice, but I think he's using me. Still, I can't help but hold out hope."

"Anyone else?"

"Promise not to kill me?"

"It's my Adrian, isn't it?"

"How did you guess?"

"You asked me not to kill you. Do you still have feelings for him?"

"Sometimes I still think of him, but I've lost interest after what he did to my face. At least he was always nice to me. That all ended on the _Campania_ with his Bizarre Dolls. You just don't hit a lady in the face." Grell crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her nose up in the air.

"Now, Grell, I know my Adrian very well. He's very aggressive when he fights. If he's surrounded, he'll go for his opponent's weakness and exploit it without mercy. He did what he had to do to defend himself. He felt bad for having to hit you. He doesn't like to hit women, and he sees you as a woman because that's how you see yourself. As for the demon scum, don't waste your time. You're right when you say it's using you. Don't hold out hope. You're much too pretty for it. Do you want to know something else?"

"What's that?" Grell's tears ceased and now she was curious.

"Adrian told me that your coworker is head over heels for you. He could sense it that day on the ship. Do you know who I'm talking about?" A knowing grin spread across my face.

"Ronnie? Are you saying he has a crush on me?"

"Absolutely. Adrian pays attention to little details even during a fight. I don't know how he does it." I smiled at the thought. "I don't know how the subject came up. My mind is usually somewhere else when he gets the inkling to wash my hair, but the subject somehow landed on you and Ronald. He made a joke about you and him on the ship. Ronald was holding you by the waist-"

"I remember," Grell cut me off. "Undertaker saw that?"

I nodded. "He said Ronald kept inching closer to you just shy of-"

"I get it. I'll admit it. I requested to train Ronnie because I thought he was cute, but I didn't think he'd like me like _that_ because he always flirts with girls and has tons of girlfriends."

"Maybe he likes both sexes," I suggested. "Adrian and I do, but we prefer the company of the opposite sex. We do keep it at a reasonable amount when we aren't with each other. You know how we are as reapers. We're possessive, but we have needs too." I laughed and pat Grell's back.

Grell smiled. "That's true."

I turned serious. "This is important, spider lily. You're not gender confused. You know what you are and who you are. If you were confused, you'd think your plumbing was the same as what you feel inside, but you know it's not. You know your outside just doesn't match _you_. There are women like that too. They feel like men are trapped inside their female forms. Personally, I find them delectable. You are what you are, Grell. Who gives a damn what anyone else says!"

"Why do _you_ think I'm so beautiful?" Grell asked.

"Well now, spider lily, my favorite color is red, and I love your long, crimson hair and big, beautiful eyes." I traced her delicate jawline with my index finger and let it move to her lips. I parted them slightly, not realizing that I was close enough to kiss her, and I wanted to. She was so beautiful, and Adrian wouldn't mind if I did, but still I couldn't disrespect Grell. "Such lovely sharp teeth." I withdrew my finger from her lips. "For someone with such a delicate frame, you are quite excellent at wielding a powerful Death Scythe, such as your lovely, crimson chainsaw. You take much pride in your work. You know how to exercise efficiency with deadly force. You can be quite the little sadist, which is ironic, considering how much love you need and have to give in return."

Grell hugged me as tears sprang from her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You know, while we're sharing all this deep emotional talk, I must confess something. At one point in time, Adrian had feelings for you. While I was away, we'd correspond by letter, and he'd talk about his love for you, but he never said anything because of your infatuation with Will and that demon. He doesn't feel that way about you anymore. Not since the incident on the _Campania_ , I'm afraid. It has nothing to do with my being with him, I assure you. Like I said, we've been lovers for a long time. We have a unique relationship, but I'll not get into personal details. He really did love you though. He hated seeing you mistreated, but considering the society we live in, he didn't know how to tell you. Mainly, he didn't think you'd find him attractive; that you'd only look at him as a crazy old man who hangs out with corpses all day."

Grell sighed with a dreamy look in her eyes. "I finally saw Undertaker's eyes right before we fought on board the _Campania_. They're so beautiful."

"I know. I remember the first time I went on a mission with him. Both of us were late coming back to dispatch because we couldn't stop staring into each other's eyes." I chuckled lightly at the memory. "But, oh my death god, he does have gorgeous eyes. Say, do you want to come back to the shop with me and have some tea?"

"Um, won't Undertaker be asleep?"

"I doubt it. Knowing him, he's probably practicing on a skeleton."

"Practicing what on a what?" Grell looked like she was trying not to pass out.

"Dancing, you fool. It's cute. Come on, it'll give him a chance to make amends for that pretty scar on your face."

Grell scowled. "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not. I honestly don't know why you cake on so much makeup to hide it. It's very faint, nevertheless, it is beautiful."

"How can you even tell it's there without glasses?" Grell looked at me with morbid curiosity.

I pointed at my mismatched eyes. "I'm the only reaper ever in existence with my eyes. I can see _everything_. I still think your scar is beautiful. I think everything about you is beautiful, my spider lily."

"Easy for you to say. You don't have any scars," she retorted.

I stepped into a better lit area on the roof. "Are you sure?" I unbuttoned my coat, exposing the revealing red dress underneath. I smiled and traced my nail along a vertical scar on the left side of my face that started at my hairline, ran straight through the center of my eyelid, meandered slightly inward down my cheek, then curved slightly back toward my ear at my jawline, and finally upon reaching my neck, a sharp turn in the opposite direction took place, giving me the illusion of having a bisected throat. However, the illusion was short lived as the line continued to cross my chest until it disappeared beneath red lace. What I didn't allow Grell to see was the end of the scar; how the knotted flesh continued it's journey under my right breast and it finally came to a stop at my side between two ribs. "Shadows hide many secrets, Grell. I have many more scars where that came from. Some of them were given, and some of them were received." I grabbed her wrist and examined it. "From the looks of it, I see you understand."

Grell looked at me in astonishment. "All that is one scar?"

"Yes," I replied coolly.

"How'd you get it?"

"The same way Adrian got his. I refused to part with my Death Scythe. When you've been around as long as we have, and your scythe has been with you for as long as it's been, it becomes a part of you."

"So, what hap-"

"All of them are dead."

"Can yours be that powerful?"

"See for yourself." I summoned my Death Scythe. Oh, how I loved her. She is a scorpion unlike the earthly version. The lashes never hang limp once summoned. The attached hooks never dull or break. They remain forever sharp and ready to rip the flesh of the dying fakes to extract and expose their Cinematic Records. "If you're familiar with the scorpion and it's intended use, then you know what this is. I just made it prettier." A wicked grin spread across my face as I banished my scythe. "Now then, let's go get some tea."

"I have never seen anything like it or remotely similar."

"And you never will. Now, come to the shop and have tea with me. If that stick in the mud, William, pitches a fit because you're late, I'll reap him in his sleep. Ask Adrian, I don't make threats. Come now, let Adrian make amends for the damage done your face. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you," I said, tugging Grell off the rooftop.

"Ok. And thank you for listening to me babble about my lack of a love life," she mumbled as an embarrassed blush spread over her cheeks.

"My dear spider lily, it was no trouble at all. I just don't like to see my beautiful red reaper sad." I hugged her and smiled while still fighting the urge to kiss her. "Let's go now."

_It doesn't matter anymore. I'm going home to someone even more beautiful and his kink for pink._

Grell and I hopped rooftops until we got to Undertaker's shop. I held Grell's hand and made her walk slightly behind me. I wanted to surprise my lover. "Adrian!" I called out. "I'm back and I brought a guest." Grell and I snickered.

"Bring it back here, Vera. Hehehe. Is it nice and mangled?"

"See for yourself. It's a surprise."

"You're Vera?" Grell whispered as I escorted her to the back of the shop.

"Shhh! You'll ruin the surprise," I scolded. When we arrived in the lab, I pulled Grell in front of me and cleared my throat. "Adrian, our guest has arrived."

He turned around and his creepy grin quickly disappeared.

"U-Undertaker?" Grell stammered.

I wrapped my arms around Grell. "It's ok, Grell."

"Grell, what are you doing here?"

"Adrian, I brought Grell here to see you because you told me you wanted to make amends." My lover gently pulled me away from Grell, possessively wrapped his long arms around me, and rest his chin on my head. "I was out on one of my walks and I saw her up on the roof of someone's flat," I continued. "She looked so lonely, so I had to go talk to her. I didn't like seeing my spider lily so sad. And if you say rose, I will reap you where you stand. Spider lilies are far prettier. Anyway, we started talking, and incidentally, the topic turned to you, and here we are." I turned to Grell. "I'm going to put on some tea. Do you want that Earl Grey junk that Adrian likes so much or a true lady's tea?"

My lover rolled his eyes. "A true lady's tea is peppermint and herb, Grell."

I tickled his stomach. "Shut up, Adrian. I'm going to punish you for that later."

He bent down and whispered in that seductive voice of his that always gives me chills, "I'll be looking forward to it." Then, he tossed my pale pink hair in my face and laughed.

"Asshole." I corrected my hair. "What will it be, Grell?"

"I'll have the lady's choice." Grell beamed, her sharp teeth fully exposed. "Peppermint!"

"Excellent choice. Adrian, don't pout, my love. I'm going to make your Earl Grey. You know I spoil you," I said as I kissed him on the cheek. "I'll leave you two to settle your differences. And, Grell, I'm glad to have finally met you. It's nice to have another lady reaper around. There's not very many of us, you know."

**Author's Note:**

> Did anyone else catch the inconsistency between the manga and the movie? In the manga Grell's cut was on the right side of her face and in the movie it was on the left. I had to recheck at least three times to confirm. Indeed, I am right. So, I am going with the manga version. The manga also forgot to give Undertaker his facial scar just before he went into attack mode whereas the movie remembered, so it's ok. Pobody's nerfect.


End file.
